Metro Etiquette

Greetings!!! It's been awhile, I know. However, since the hh ("holiday hiatus") is behind us, it's time to get back to the grind. Luckily, the holiday did not stop me from observing life and other people's routines...doin my thannnggg.... .... ............(judge me)

Thereby, I think it's high-time I did a blog on how people should act on the metro, aka da 'tro. There has been some pretty inexcusible activity going on the DC 'tro and it needs to be addressed. Stealing from my partner in crime, I'm going to do a little listicle to address these issues. If you see people doing these things, or are someone who does them...(im judging YOU!!!), then please MAKE IT STOPPP!!!

• Umbrellas. Alright, so we all need a sturdy umbrella for a rainy day. Rainshells/coats do not protect your lunch, comp, etc. HOWEVER, I am very tired of seeing the oversized, golf canvass, tent sized umbrellas that do not allow people to get within 500 million feet of you. You may not think it's a problem because no one may walk around you in your commute to the metro. BUT THE PROBLEM LIES WHEN YOU GET ON THE ESCALATORS TO GO DOWN TO THE 'TRO AND YOU STRUGGLE PUTTING YOUR 'BRELLA DOWN BC YOU ARE NERVOUS KID. An elderly woman almost poked my eye out at the Pentagon city metro station bc 1) her umbrella had several exposed, uncavassed areas sticking out, due to "wear and tear" and 2) she "unknowingly" blocked my flight down the escalators as she explored how to make the thing collapse!!! aahhhhhhh!!! My Advice: Get a normal sized umbrella, but make an investment in it so that it is sturdy. Make sure that it fits in workbag and that all you need to do is press a button for it to open and collapse. On a side note...nothing is more funny than seeing someone's umbrella pop the wrong way due to intense wind activity and seeing them try to act cool and collected in getting it the right way when you KNOW they are panicking inside. It is super hilarious when said commuters are in the middle of the street.
• Escalators. I know I touched on this a little with the umbrellas, but not enough. Mainly, I take a certain pride in my ability to mount the escalators with ease. I never touch the side rails, and I always walk up while doing other things (checking my cell phone, putting on gloves and earmuffs, buttoning my coat...). Nothing touches my funny side more than to see grown men and women who dont know what they are doing get off the escalator. It is annoying when they are blocking the left walk lane (DC: left = walk, right = stand). Yet, most times, I can still do nothing more than laugh to myself when I see the struggle that is going on in a person's mind that makes itself visible through the small prance steps of their feet: "How do i dismount this thing?!" is what they are thinking. I love watching the little pitter patter steps people do on the last few seconds before the dismount. Some older people like to reach for a hand...someone's...anyone's hand! just a hand or a shoulder bc without one, they will fall/trip/or something of equal embarrassment. Icing on the Cake: Earlier this week, I saw a man who had just exited the metro start running up the down escalator. I was gaping up at him, because it was so funny how fast he had to run to make any progress going up. As you can imagine, it took forever, and he was doing more of a hyper up down motion than anything else. THEN, on the LAST. STEP. he tripped. I gasped. People watched. He scrambled with his hands down, feet kickin for a good 5 seconds ...literally parallel to the ground...before throwing himself onto the floor above. He was alone. No one could share his embarrassment. My Advice: You don't want to be this person. Follow the rules. And don't have escalator anxiety. It's not cute. And I am laughing at your stutter steps.
• Cell phones. I have overheard quite some interesting phone conversations in the metro and it overwhelms me with what people want you to hear, etc. I have to 'tro past Reagan everyday, and the typical phone convo i hear is "just got on the metro, ill be there in 15". That makes sense, because obviously they just landed from somewhere and need to make contact with ...whoever. But nothing bothers me more than overhearing a useless conversation when I'm trying to read the Express. I don't care if you failed your driver's test a second time...even if you are late twenty something and should be utterly embarrassed to be announcing this info. I really don't care "if you bout to kill someone cuz dey dun did you wrong...imma take dem out. you aint NEVA seen dis befo". You are SCARING me. I am glancing at you nervously. Stop it. There are probably other good conversations out there...dont feel like writing them all. My Advice: For the most part, no one riding the metro is important enough to have to talk on the phone whilst commuting. Talk when you walk. Also, even though all cell phones now get metro service, there are still some dead spots (iPhones only). Hearing you say over and over "HELLOOO!?!??! IM IN A TUNNEL?!??! CAN YOU HEAR ME! hellohellohellohello!>>!??!!" ah. so annoying.
• Taking pictures of the metro as it comes it. It blinds the driver and why are you taking a picture of a moving train? Just dont do it.
• THE DOORS. This mainly applies to the orange line but...trying to squeeze in the door when the train is clearly full and people are already virtually kissing each other is a "no no." There is another train coming. WAIT. Yes, onetime I got my arm stuck in the door and managed to pull it out...but I quickly learned my lesson because I was not actually IN the train...I was still on the platform where everyone was looking at me and I turned purple. So now I am sharing my advice with you. Be patient. Your train will come.

Alas, it is time to grab a bite of my 1000 cal (probs more like 1200 cal) burrito from none other than Chipotle so I must cut myself off. This list could essentially go on and on from anywhere to tro'in on the 'tro (throwing up on the metro) to utilizing the metro poles in an absurd and luda way. Those two, of course, usually only happen between 2 AM - 3 AM. The metro, during these hours, kinda reminds me of traveler...

till next time! peace!