Line Anxiety

So as I was waiting in line at Potbelly's yesterday...by myself...I realized that I was very...."angst." The problem: LINE ANXIETY (thanks for the term marf!) Yes, I have a major form of line anxiety.



Line anxiety is when you are standing in a line, nervous about what you are going to order, how you are going to order it, etc, etc. Here is a perfect example:



Yesterday, the lunch line at Potbelly's was snake-ish. It wound around and around and to the door. Dumb of me for deciding to go during the lunch rush, but I was hungrayy! So yes, the line was long. I was about upwards of 30 people deep when i realized that the guy up front was YELLING at people to give their orders from way in the back of the line!!! PANIC!!! AHHHH! Initial thoughts:

• Are they going to be able to hear me from way back here?


• How will my voice sound when I yell out my order?


• What if they ask me something about my order that i dont know and then i become NERVOUS KID: (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfZ8yVcnLPs)


• Everyone in line is watching me order the most luda sandwich ("The Wreck") on the menu! are they judging? Do i look skinny today?


• What if i want to change my order last minute?!?! I cant even SEE the menu from back here to make last minute decisions!


• Why is everyone getting wheat bread??!?!?! I want white!!! Will they JUUDDDGGEEE?!

Of course, these nervous thoughts are miiilllddllly insane but let's be honest. No one wants their voice to quiver or falter when placing an order in front of a large crowd. And no one wants to be viewed as the nervous kid.

Here's how things paned out:

Waiter: NEXT!!!

Shaun: (somewhat confident voice) Um...a wreck, please?

Waiter: WHAT?!

Shaun: (No confidence) Can i please have a wreck on white?

Waiter: WRECK ON WHIIIIIIIITTTEEEEE!

Shaun: blushing. awk leg movement. frantic look around. EYE.CONTACT.

Line anxiety happens to me at Potbelly's, Chipotle, Subway, Quiznos... Im sure the first time i go to Ben's Chilli Bowl, i will have extreme line anxiety as well.

I know that I am not the only person this happens to. The line anxiety goes triplefold when im by myself. then i have no one to chat with to take my thoughts away from the pressure. seriously, it's like im in Carnegie Hall, about to do a piano recital whilst im standing in line.

How do i get rid of Line anxiety?! someone PUH-leasseee tell me! im only 24 and cannot live the rest of my life this way!!!!

k thanks. :)

Da Duhty Jurz

If you cannot pronounce/figure out the title, this post is probably not for you.

If you can, then YES. I'm talkin about the new MTV show: Jersey Shore. This show fulfills every stereotype that I have EVER had about new jurz. or juhz. or however they say it. I've only seen bits and pieces of 2 episodes, but i know enough already to get the gist of how every show will be. essentially, there is not a plot, because it's unnecessary. their lives are interesting enough as is.

let's take a trip into the house with the Italian flag flapping lazily in the breeze. "Oh no", says Marf, "it's painted on the outside of the house. Even better." agreed.

first things first. their names. JWOWW. The Situation. Snooki (not to be confused with the ghetto name ...and also the name of my teddy bear...."pooki"). what would my name be? shaunbomb. true story: this was actually an exclusive nickname between me and another guy in highschool who called himself the "tombomb." i coulda .01% maybe survived in da jurz! have you ever asked yourself...what would your jersey name be? apparently, there are links that will answer the question FOR you. google it.

secondly, i happened to be the lucky viewer of the epi where the "houseguests" hit up the jacuzzi. i believe one houseguest jurz gurl told anotha featured jurz girl "stop pretendin to be someone else. at least we are really being real." dont quote me, but it was along those lines. then, 2 girls proceeded to make out with 1 guy. over and over. circulating guys. i can't believe the fake, featured jerz girls who didnt want to do this on camera! cmonnnn! this is expected of you! dont be too haughty taughty for the hot tub makeouts!

thirdly, why are there so many Christian crosses on the hairgelled (sp?) guys? im not sure i want the cross on these hooligans. just sayin. wait! hold the phone! Angelina left! now they are saying grace .."bless all the roomies that are still here," says Snooki. aww..sincerity is truly to be valued. Salud!

ok lastly (for NOW)...can you all understand everything they say? i canNOT. worse than southern accents. oml no. i cannot stop now. i just saw a preview for aNOTHER jacuzzi scene. another MO sesh. but...between all da juhz gurls? no surprises here. anytime i watch this show, i will fail to be surprised. nothing will surprise me. snooki and ryder makin out. with snooki holding some champagne. up!, she's MO'in with Mike now. Mike: This is gettin wild right now. watch the show for the following comments.

comment: "...like...sorry, mom."

ahh such a waste of time that im spending. "and im enjoying it" (Marf.)

alrighty, well 9 more minutes. I could probably write an hour (or more) longer based on forthcoming material. (expect a second post) however, i am not gonna waste more of your time as well. it's already been minutely wasted.

salud.

*disclaimer: I have tons of New Jersey friends. But they are from "New Jersey." Not da juhz. there is a difference in my mind. New Jersey people are legit and entertaining in acceptable ways.

Birds at 3:00 AM?

A bird pooped on my head.

Ok, so here's what happened. After a great night of dancing on the long booths offered at Sign of the Whale in Dupont Circle (golly those booths are fantastic!), well la-dee-dah, the bar closed. We all know it's shameful, but worth it to close down the bar. Honestly.

Anywho...so I'm walking outside and lo and behold! I feel a very light pressure apply to my hurr (aka "hair"). I do not like it when people touch my hair. Let it stick out in tiny pieces, let the wind make it fling in unattractive positions...let it be. I'll deal with it the next time i see myself in a mirror slash window. So, quite naturally, I was slightly alarmed. It also alarmed me that ...in my 3 AM, after a fun night of dancing stupor....the pressure felt very much like a light plop.

Casually, whilst chatting with friends and trying to hail a cab, I reached up onto the top of my head, almost as if placing a little stickout out piece back in. It should be no surprise to you, given the title and leading sentence of this post, that I felt good ole' nasty birdy poo. Yes. poo.

Answer this question for me: WHAT are birds doing at 3 AM at night??!?!??! Shouldn't they be sleeping...perched in their little nesties somewhere?! D suggested that it may have been a bat. And if that is the case....I'm disturbed. Let it be known that birds are my least favorite animal. With their wings and their beaks and their little webbed feet. And their disguisting, discolored poo that lands on the heads of innocent bystanders such as yours truly.

To avoid embarrassment about the whole situation, i casually yelled loudly about the bird, looked glaringly into the skies, and angrily and dramatically continued to put my hand in my bird poo hair in typical shaun nature. Makes TONS of sense.

Next time youre out, avoid birds bc apparently, they too, have digestive issues at uncanny hours of the morning...just like you!